Saturday, May 26, 2012

Fear is a Dream Killer

This is my second time writing this blog today. I'm kind of upset right now, because I thought I had saved the post I had already prepared, but I'm trying to get over it. Sometimes you have to learn that certain things shouldn't evoke certain feelings out of you, and this is not the sum total of my day. In the blog I planned on posting, I wrote about how recently I had been looking through different fitness videos, success stories, and fitness blogs to keep myself motivated. With my personality type, I get impatient very quickly. I want to see results as soon as possible, but I know from experience that these things take time. It's still hard for me to except the fact that I've gained back the 20 pounds I had lost the year before, plus another 5 pounds. It's like when I lose weight, it comes back with a vengeance! lol. Now I feel like I have to work twice as hard to lose the weight I did before and ultimately reach my goal. I am thankful that I had the strength to stop myself before I gained anymore weight, but this journey is very hard for me. I'm trying to keep myself encouraged, and one thing I've learned going through this journey, and also dealing with other situations in my life,  is that I really have to change my mindset and whole approach on life to get where I need to be. Certain people have told me this before, but another thing I’ve learned is that you can give someone good advice all day long, but only when they realize it for themselves will they be able to internalize it. The first time I tried to lose weight, I sabotaged myself. Of course I had obstacles in my way that hindered me from completing the Insanity program last time, but if I really wanted to, I could have jumped over those hurdles to get to my goal, but once again I gave up on myself. Sometimes I think we sabotage ourselves because of fear, and fear will destroy any path you’re on, if you allow it to take over you. The fear is different for many people, and sometimes we’re afraid of the future, what we’ll become, or whether the decisions we make will makes us worse off than when we started. I feel that sometimes we sabotage ourselves because of fear. For me, it has been fear and sometimes my impatience that has made me fail at times. I want to be better than that, and I want to believe in myself again. I believe that’s what this whole fitness journey is about for me. A change of mind and spirit, a change of heart.

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