If you're tired of starting over, stop quitting!

So this is like my 4th time starting over with Insanity. I'm really hating that I have to start over but this time I'm in the right mindset to finish. I went on Sparkpeople today because it helps me interact with people who are doing the same workout programs as I am. I'm hoping to find a fitness buddy and hopefully that will help me to stay accountable for my workout everyday and hopefully I'll have somebody to help me stay motivated and I can also motivate them as well. at the end of each week I am going to either by myself something or treat myself to a certain event and I think that will help me to stay motivated as well. stay tuned you guys and I'll have more updates soon!

Sweat and Tears (including Fit test 2 results from yesterday)

I went to sleep last night at about 9. I thought I was getting my sleep pattern back to normal, but that I woke up at 3 in the morning. What! I was kind of upset, because I knew I wasn't gonna be able to go back to sleep. The good thing was that I was gonna eat breakfast in about two hours anyway, so I just did something productive like work on my conducting skills. At 5, I ate breakfast and at 8 I did my workout for Insanity, which was Plyometric Circuit today...definitely not my favorite one. As I was starting the workout, I was beginning to realize how low my energy level was. For some reason, I'm always nervous before a Insanity workout (understandingly), and I sometimes I'm not always pumped to go through the torture of it. This was one of those days where I did not want to do it. Sometimes the days I don't want to do it are my best days, so I was slightly confused as to why my energy level was so low. As I was getting towards the end of my workout, I was getting frustrated and more tired than usual. Maybe I pushed myself harder than I thought I had, but I was definitely getting exhausted. As I was doing the last workout, I was thinking about all the work I having to put into losing all this weight, the battle I have to fight to get to the end of this, and the battle of the mind. Losing weight is really more mental than physical. Your mind controls how well you do and how much you push. Your mindset determines how strong of a will that you have. Towards the end, I started crying, which is weird for me, but I realized how much of a struggle it is. You start questioning your abilities and start asking "Can I really complete this?" In your mind, you have a certain idea of how you want your body to look, but I when you look in the mirror, and you see how long it's taking you to get there, it can become discouraging. Pushing through becomes of a challenge, but if you stay focused on the goal, it keeps you from focusing on your present. You have to learn how to be beautiful where you are. I keep telling myself that if I can still move, I can complete anything. 

Now, to focus on my results of my fit test. I made great progress on every exercise except for 

two. Overall, I did really well. Here are my results between the first fit test and the recent one:

Switch Kicks: 59/70
Squat Jacks: 39/45
Power Knees: 95/105
Power Jumps: 17/25
Globe Jumps: 5/6
Suicide Jumps: 9/8 (Pitful, I know, lol)
Push-Up Jacks: 11/16
Low Plank Obliques: 25/27

"Use It."

Today, I did better than I though I was ever gonna do. I put everything I had into that workout. I was tortured throughout the workout, but I felt amazing afterwards. It's that feeling of accomplishment.  I took everything that I had been feeling this week, and put it into that workout. I was watching Blade: Trinity earlier this week. I was watching the part of the movie where Drake, the ultimate vampire, had entered into the place where Blade and his crew resided and made weapons and produced plans to take down all vampires through Drake. Well, Drake came in and killed the brains of the operation, I can't remember her name right now, then kidnapped her daughter and one of their partners, Hannibal. When Abigal and Blade came back, Abigal found her dead and was heartbroken and crying. The first thing that Blade said was "Use It....Use It!!!" That was something I could really relate to. You have to take any anger, resentment, or hurt you may feel towards any situation, and USE IT  towards something positive. Use it, not to poison your life, like it may already have, but use it to bring positive things into your life. Use it to get to where you want to be. And you can make it, regardless of any obstacles people try to put in your way. They don't even exist as fair as I'm concerned. The only thing holding you back is yourself. So plan everything you wanna be in life and DO IT!!! Time gives apologies to no one!!! Be who you want to be, and be it NOW!